different techniques for different dogs

Some trainers push some cookie cutter approach for all dogs either negative or positive types of training for all their dogs. I wanted to use treat based training with my dog last year but, he was shy and too nervous to accept treats which made training in class difficult. I saw another trainer who encouraged flooding and making him deal with his anxiety head on but, he was too stern and forceful and my dog needed encouragement and a pleasing gentle tone to stay calm. To this day if I am gentle and calm with him he responds way better than if I nearly shout and sometimes he will get frustrated with what I expect and gives me frustration bark or even a nip. The second I turn off any aggressive type techniques he is back to happy go lucky. So what do you do when one size does not fit all? How do you balance training to tailor fit each of your dogs?
Well that is tricky. What do I do? I read a ton of books to find what fit my dog. I went to a bahaviorist for advice when he couldn't seem to shake the shyness at all. I saw many trainers more so he would see that people are there to help him. When I got him he was shy and got worse. He would hide behind me, cowar in stance and jump away or bark and growl at people who looked at him "too long" He remains shy. The first trainer I saw had me give him so many treats he didn't like even the best treats, he refused to take them from others and sometimes would be so nervous he didn't take them from me either. I couldn't move ahead on the shyness at all because of this, even with verbal praise baby talk voices or anything else. I switched to a much rougher trainer. I thought it was great at the time. He had me try a wedge pinch collar supposedly to encourage him like his mom would. I don't know why I fell for it probably part exhaustion part desparation. It was paired with flooding of walking in crowds, walking by people, sitting while others passed. We went to a conformation class to help with strangers touching him but, since it was the same instructor each week that lost its "stranger" quality fast. He is a smart dog and once he warms up he isn't really bothered much. We still have the problem with people leaning over and trying to pat the top of his head.... dogs see both of those actions as a threat and it is hard to explain to people in a way they actually listen. It comes down to doing what you think your dog can handle and trying to push the limits a little as tolerance grows. I liken it to lifting weights. You can't start with a heavy weight on your bicep, you start with a small amount and when you find you have little or no pain after lifting as usual you increase weight. Same thing, you have to get used to and tolerate the difficult emotions without going into overload or shock. I find encouraging him in a gentle tone helps greatly.
Some friends just got a puppy and I try to tag along when they take him out to socialize. He is a cute fuzzy golden retreiver and people rush to say hi to him. He wags and gets excited. Then my dog who is standing near looks to me, I tell him it is ok to "sniff" and he reaches out to the people more. He did bark at a little girl today who was looking at him while he was in a small spot but then some little boy was walking by and reached out and touched his back and he was fine. I know the support helps him out a great deal because he doesn't have someone at him staring at him and reaching out, he has time to sniff and reach out to them first which is way less pressure.
I did have apoint originally... Just as we humans are different from one to another, our dogs need help finding what works best for them individually as well. It can be a hard road to go if you don't really know your dog well but, with love respect and a bit of patience you can find what works for your dogs needs. oh an my dog no longer wears that collar he uses a gentle leader if he is in a situation with need for better control or he is on his buckle collar only. and now he takes most treats from people and will even do his sit when they ask. What strides... now if I can just get him used to people touching and staring at him so I could get his conformation title, then we would be just in great shape, he would be moments away from accepting all people then. I am patient enough to know he will get there eventually. He is improving and not getting worse and that is the best sign.