time away from home

This past week I was able to take my first vacation in about... well 3 years. I have gone on plenty of weekends in state and to shows but, always was able to bring my fur kid along. This time was the first time since he came to me at 10 weeks old that we slept apart and for 3 nights, and 4 nights at that.
It got me to thinking I should have done it much sooner. It was hard to leave when he was a pup because of potty training and other training. Who would watch him etc. etc. Well plus him being so cute and growing inches while I was at work. It was hard to make myself miss any of that. That was afterall why I got a purebred puppy, so I could watch and see all the growth and development. Well the time had come and I felt like a limb had been lost or something. I tried to prepare him.
I took him to daycare at the boarding facility a few times. He is shy so he needed to warm up to them so he would eat. I brought his nighttime bed and a toy and a bone for him to have while he was there. The first day of daycare he stood shaking, gave one girl kisses and visited with the neighbor dog occassionally. The days passed and he adjusted to liking the place and its people. Then the first night without me at home he howled for me when my sister put him to bed. She caved and let him sleep on the top of the stairs "waiting for me" then my Dad took him to be boarded the next morning and he did fine. He adjusted fine, a little stress from sleeping in a weird place but, he did great.
Me on the otherhand. I could not enjoy my vacation because I wanted to be on a hike with him or thought how much he would like the pool at the hotel. I was cold at night without the dog butt near my feet (keeping them warm)
I have done so much research on how things should work, what you are supposed to do and how to act appropriately with this or that; I never realized it affects me too. I remember when I lost my last dog, the dog that was really mine. I was completely devastated. How I had loved that dog instantly and my new dog, he had to grow on me. Sure I thought he was cute but, I didn't really understand him and click instantly. I realize now after 2 years that I have that. Of course I knew I loved him before and all but, this vacation made it click in my brain "what if I lost him" I guess it is a question we never want to ask or face, we hope it holds off for a long time if not forever. I push the question away because the answer I know. It would be like the last dog, I would suffer and sob and then get stronger, the only thing that is ever the same in each relationship I am ever to have and different for each of us to feel as we do.
I came back to my door and after a few minutes of rubbing the stress off his head and torso, we were us again. He is not really my kid, he is not my husband, he is not a person but, he is my friend and he is a great dog. I never expect him to make up the gaps in my life but, he adds so much to it.
I guess my point is sometimes we know what we are supposed to do and while we do it we know we will survive even when it is a challenge. When we face those obstacles we realize something else unexpected. It isn't about collars or how to get him to want to respond to my wants or even what food to feed, there is a zen moment of an answer to a question we weren't even asking. It brings us closer to ourselves and eachother. That is what made my vacation worth it. Knowing I can do no wrong when I do my best and knowing I always have my dogs love to bring me through tough times (all my dogs' love past and present) It is nice to know.

I think I will bring him with me on the next few trips though.